On to her next adventure…

Mom passed away last night in her home, with those closest to her there.
She did this the way she wanted to, and how often do people get to do that, really.
I’ve had many mixed feelings regarding her over the years, as I’m sure many people do in regard to parents, but right now I’m feeling a lot of admiration for her.
Taking on this difficult ending, and handling it with bravery and yes, grace.

Safe travels Mom… until you reach your destination. You’ve learned many lessons in this life and have been blessed with much love. Soon you will be off to your next adventure, and I’m certain our paths will once again cross, whether it is here or there.
Now that the burdens of this life have been lifted, I know in my heart that you can clearly see just how much you were loved.

The Lymphoma Society…

Warning:  This post is a blatant solicitation. 

As a business owner I’m often asked for donations for various things, but unless it’s something I feel strongly about I often decline.  Usually it’s just because of simple math… I need to make more than I give.
But.
As some of you are aware, my Mom was recently diagnosed with cancer and is currently under going treatment. My Aunt is a cancer survivor and an Uncle fought cancer and recently lost his battle. Cancer was something I’d never thought much about until my trip to Missouri last month, quite honestly. Looking at my family, seeing my Mom and the struggle that lies ahead of her, seeing my Aunt’s and how being a cancer survivor has created a subtle change… the change is that there is such strength and beauty that I’d never noticed lying completely under the surface, you can’t see it with your eyes, but you can see it with your heart… It’s indescribable.

Anyway a long time customer, one who has fought and held her ground in her own battles is walking a marathon for the Lymphoma Society and I’m so proud of her… I want to support her as well as those who have fought or are fighting a battle I can barely wrap my mind around.
Cancer is cancer. Any help, any hope, any cure will make a huge impact in the lives of others no matter their type of cancer.
I promised my friend and I promised myself that I would post a link to to support her in her efforts to raise money for a cause that unfortunately has become close to my heart. 
It’s something that can impact anyone, even you or I.

You don’t have to feel pressured into doing anything at all with this, but if you so choose, here is the promised link:
Lymphoma Society’s link to Noreen’s page

Noreen promised to write Mom’s name on her shirt for the walk, in her honor in her fight.
Even though the walk is for the Lymphoma Society, it’s also for cancer.
I’m not letting an opportunity to help in the fight against cancer pass me up again… you never know what will help accomplish the next advance!

Little Baby Blue Beads ~ Update

Over the weekend, several people came by for more baby blue beads for the funeral (held yesterday).
The family and some of their friends came in today, 5 new piercings and some more bead changes in existing piercings to baby blue as well. Just about everyone close to the family is wearing them now.
They shared a number of pictures of the baby and the services…
*heavy sigh*
What an amazing family.
I don’t pray often anymore… but I have, a couple of times over the last few days.
It’s amazing how deeply they’ve touched me.

Mindless jobs that don’t matter….

I left a career in nursing to open a tattoo studio.
I pierce for a living.
I left a moderatly high stress job, a job where I could make a real difference in a person’s life for the low stress, mindless but fun job of body-art.

Often I’m asked if I regret that decision and I don’t. I don’t because occasionally I do make a difference. It has nothing to do with what I do for a living, it has to do with who I am.
And I guess the point of this post is to let you know that it’s not your job that makes a difference in the world, it is the parts of YOU that you take to work everyday that makes the difference.

Today an old customer had stopped by the shop. The family was next door having a grave plaque made for a week old child who had passed away in the family. I’ve known these people for years now through the shop.
We had Mom, Dad, 2 Aunts, Grandma and Great Grandma together, getting through this terrible day of necessary tasks to accomplish, one moment at a time.
We cried and hugged for a while, they left the shop only to return a few hours later.
The ladies decided to get an ear piercing in honor of the little boy who will be laid to rest on Saturday.

The piercings all matched and they decided on matching baby blue beads. The beads were a huge priority for the family as the color held such symbolic value for them.
It was very emotional. Physical pain is often a release for emotional pain as well.
Feeling the pain, finding a small release and binding them together with the color of baby blue.

I was so honored to be a tiny part of this intimate process for them, and for just a moment I was family too.
As they were leaving, I slipped a bag of those baby blue beads to an Aunt and we talked about making a bracelet for the baby for the funeral from the extra beads…
so they would all match.

Today I made a small difference.
Today, I learned that no job is insignificant…

Protected: A dark child live’s in the corner of my heart

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Tell me honest…

So I am saving the walking stick until November. It will be an anniversary gift. The stick is only half of the gift, *this* is the other half, tell me what you think:

“For every gift you give, life holds a gift for you as well. This walking stick is made of simple wood and rock; it does not have the same monetary value as the one you passed on. As the years go by however, may the value of this walking stick increase to a worth far greater than what can be measured with money, may its value be measured in increments of love. This walking stick does not represent the need to lean on an object, if it did, than a walking stick would not be for you. It represents the overall distance of the journey and how far we have traveled in each others company. Through these last 12 years we have traveled far in miles and far in our hearts. Thank you for sharing parts of your journey with me…

Your stick contains:

• My love and prayers, our hopes, your dreams.

• At the base, you will find 4 bells. They are to ward off your enemies before you approach from the north, south, east and west. The best battle won is the battle one does not have to fight. May your obstacles clear your path for safe passage before you are even aware that an obstacle once existed.

• For those who persist in blocking your journey, there is a sharpened stone for your protection at the top. It is far better to have a weapon that you do not need, than to need one and be empty handed.

• This stick carries a braid of your hair. The very braid that was cut as both a sacrifice and a celebration for something you worked hard to attain. Never forget that sacrifice and celebration are often partners and oft times they travel together as you walk your path.

• The bear talisman carved from crystal represents you. Crystal for its power, the bear who watches over and protects what is his. The bear is both gentle and fierce. He innately knows when to be which. Trust the bear inside of you, he will always direct the proper level of response to any situation.

• Five strands of beads near the base represent the children that you have raised into fine warriors. All strong in their own way, all still in need of the bear’s protection in other ways. Each strand is unique and yet each is the same. Take great pride in what you have created.

• At the top you will find an eagle feather for strength and the feather of an owl for wisdom. A journey is lacking in balance without both strength and wisdom together. One is attached with 5 beads and the other 7 beads to celebrate the year of your birth. This brings the essence of you, of strength and of wisdom together as a unit.

• Your dog is your companion and can often be your guide. Her claw is stitched in near the top such that she will continue to be with you well beyond her years.

• Many of the beads are counted in rows of three (the girls) and five (your birth month). There is power in the numbers that represent you.

• Malachite and turquoise are used heavily to represent its traditional use in Native American objects. History serves to teach us as well as to honor where we have been.

• Special silver beads are used to represent your unselfish heart. This is a part of you that is often ignored. Your walking stick is generously laced with Tibetan Prayer Beads. Aunt Sheryl wears a set around her wrist and she never removes them. To honor your original gift to her, may these beads serve as a reminder that you are a giving spirit and may you embrace all that you have to offer.

• Lastly, you will find your initials carved into your stick. This belongs to you, and while you may pass it on one day, everything attached has a meaning, the attachment is unique to you.

Much like walking through the path of your life, as you discover the trinkets on your walking stick, may you also find meaning in them. May you measure each item you find by the love in which they were applied and may you celebrate the value of the many gifts life offers specifically to you.“

A ruler or a yard stick…

Depending on the size of what is being measured, sometimes a yard stick or a measuring tape is the best tool, sometimes a ruler, or maybe even calipers are the tool of choice.

I’ve been measuring my days lately, and some days are larger than others, sometimes I measure it in feet, other days I measure it under a microscope with finely calibered tools. I always seem to measure them in 24 hour incriments though. Everyday is new. A new opportunity, a new plan, a new size. Even if I’m measuring the day in yards (or miles), I’m never more than 24 hours from reeling in the tape and starting afresh.

Of late, I’ve mostly been measuring in inches, taking apart little pieces at a time. It’s easier to stay focused when measuring in small units sometimes. One of the things about measuring in inches is that until you look back (or something larger comes along), it’s easy to lose sight of how many miles all of those inches have added up to. While I have been talking (on my blog) about my days in inches, I’ve suddenly realized that I (we) have come many miles in a relatively short amout of time.

Yes, we are making progress (again)…

Just when you were starting to wonder if I’m bi-polar too, huh? (with all of the ups and downs)

It was perfect…

Today #5 became Mrs. J.

The day started off on a tight schedule, no matter how much prep work is done prior to a wedding, somethings just have to wait until the very last minute. I was worried there for a minute. While picking up the party platters at Costco… I decided that buying kleenex (a case) would be a good idea, I cried putting the kleenex into the cart…

Everything came together though, almost like it was planned. #5 was walked down the aisle by both her Dad and her Father. A quick reception followed with tons of pictures, I’ll leave you with these:

Mr. & Mrs. J

A kiss for the Bride

A bite to eat afterwards

Husb, Addict, Mrs. J, #2, #1

#4, #5, #1, #2 (#3 Lives in Hawaii and we didn’t really give her enough time to get here )

And they’re outta here!

All the best, Mr. and Mrs. J!

After everyone had left, the lights were turned down and the last of the cleaning was complete. The only thing left to do was to pack up the music (still playing) and lock the doors. Husb took me to the center of the hall and we danced… and cried a little more. Both of us.

10 Things for 10 People…

List ten things you want to say to ten people you know but you never will, for whatever reason…
Don’t say who they are.
Use each person only once:

1) There is nothing to forgive, but I think you think there is, especially late at night. You did not do anything wrong. I am actually thankful, truth be told, because everything is as it should be. On the 'outside' you are doing great, but I think you hurt on the 'inside' sometimes, over things that you really should not hurt about… Forgive yourself for real.

2) You are gone now and so many things have been left unsaid. I've said them in my heart and I think you've heard them. For so many years you were my entire life. I only wish you knew that the good times shined so much brighter than the bad times… the bad times gave me character, for which I am eternally grateful.

3) I've decided I'm going down with the ship. Yet I hope the ship rights itself, I think it eventually will, you've got a very smart ship. It's too bad I can't sail the ship for you… but I can't, I'm just along for the ride. I really do love you. You're brain knows that, but how do I convince your soul?

4) I know I've been selfish and self absorbed lately… and I'm not sorry about that. How many times in one's life do they have that opportunity? It's my turn and I'm taking it.

5) It was love at first sight. Sometimes life brings us closer, sometimes it takes us farther apart… yet you are in my heart every single day. You are a part of me and that is something I've never experienced before, I am so thankful for you… I want you to know that, but I don't want to sound like a big ol' winter-time-Birkenstock-wearing-dork.

6) Are you mad at me? Did I do or say something to offend you? I miss seeing you around.

7) The way I ended our relationship was really shitty… I know you were confused about what was going on and why. I was pretty confused myself. I didn't want to hurt you. You are much happier now though and so am I. I'm just sorry about the way I went about things, I just didn't know any other way to do things at the time, I know my learning experience was at your expense and I'm sorry for that.

Thank you… the most important things in your life have become the most important things in mine as well. You share those 'things' with grace and maturity that I can only one day hope to attain. I admire you more than I can express.

9) You are a cold hearted mean bastard; I sincerely hope you are paying for the pain you've caused… I've always wanted to tell you that. You screwed me up bad and you knew that saying 'that' would. I was just a kid… it was NOT my fault. YOU should have given her the support she so desperatly needed, YOU were the adult. I never knew mere words could be so utterly destroying, but you did and you knew that when you spoke. I always wanted to tell someone what you said just to get it out of me… but I cannot hurt someone else simply to unburden myself. You're words have taken away my ability to speak mine, you prick. I don't hate easily. But I've hated you for decades.

10) Let up a little… I'm doing the best I can. Honest.

Tell me if this isn’t the cutest thing ever…

No… really go ahead and tell me! He rocks my world
(the grandmonster… age 2 1/2)