They Grow up… when they’re good and ready.

Kids, even “adult” ones grow up on their own schedule. None of my held to a particular time-table. All have reached the age of majority… maturity is another thing.
But.
It seems #5 has started taking steps to improve her life on her own, and I think she is finally ready. She is taking her own steps in a forward direction. In some ways she was mature sooner than her years, but in other ways (and I love her dearly…) she’s a retard.
However recently she has started both counseling so she can start seeing things in her life from perhaps a better perspective. She is seeking guidance from a Buddhist teacher for balance. She got a job (a real one with benefits) and she is beginning to plan a future for herself.
All without Mommy.
I’m actually quite impressed and proud.

Blog Project 365-09 #164

Dear God…

Dear God,

It is with a heavy heart that I wish to tender my resignation for the job of Parent.
You should know that I was less than qualified when I applied for this job however the hope was that I would grow into this position.
While I think I’ve met or exceeded your expectations in many regards, I seem to still be having difficulty in a couple of specific areas that were outlined as being of vital importance.
I am still overwhelmed in the department of “protection”.
After warming up with colic, the flu, skinned knees and school-yard bullies, I thought I was getting the hang of this specific task.
I feel I topped out my skill level in this area with high-school dating and broken hearts.
It became clear I was in over my head and I failed to manage my duties when I couldn’t protect my kids from things like teen pregnancy, teen drug abuse, and abusive boy friends.
After gallons of puke,
Millions of tears,
Cups of blood,
and many Emergency Room visits,
I feel both under-qualified and unable to fulfill my duties when it comes to this position as it is my firm belief that children of any age deserve a world that is free of unnecessary pain, emotional turmoil, fear and bad dreams.
Guilt seems to be another issue for me regarding this job as evidenced by my need to resign.
Please accept my resignation of this position effective immediately due to my under-qualifications and because I misled you when I stated that I was up for this task early on in my career.
Sincerely
Addict

(Of course I’m not resigning, just venting… but I HATE that I can’t protect them from everything, even still. I miss skinned knees more than I can express)

Blog Project 365-09 #38

Maybe I just don’t get where the threat lies…

I’m watching 20/20 and the topic of gay marriage was covered with a preacher…
and I just don’t get it.

I don’t believe that love and marriage have all that much to do with each other (call me a romantic). I can love someone for the rest of my life and not have been married to them. I can be married to them for the rest of my life and never have loved them. Both happen to people everyday, neither is uncommon.

Marriage (to me) is a legal contract much akin to an adoption. A legal standing of family. Next of kin.
Husb is the person who makes my decisions if ever the day comes that I cannot. He is the person who will clean up my earthly mess when I am gone. He is my self-designated plug puller.
How can the government (complete with separation of church and state) not recognise half of the population based solely on their gender, as being capable of that job?

Why does a marriage, that is in essence a legal agreement have to be sanctioned by God to be valid? Who decides which parts of the Bible are valid in today’s society and which parts we disregard? I can’t marry the girl next door because I’m a girl… but the whole spare the rod, spoil the child thing is now against the law… not that I’m advocating any method of child discipline, but you get the point.

Maybe I’m simple, but I don’t see how the ladies (or gentlemen) next door, who enter a legal contract with the state, declaring each other as being family is any threat to the institution of marriage, to national security or the religious infrastructure as a whole.

*end TV induced rant*

What’s Gracie been up to?

She met her vet last week… got spayed, micorchipped, shot and groomed.  My Doctors office should be this nice… seriously.

Since she’s been home she’s rested

Watched cats on YouTube

And is feeling well enough to snack

The BEST blog comment ever!

You know, the internet is just magic!!!
Because of the internet, I was able to find and meet my brother, keep in contact family I hadn’t seen in years and was found by Uncles from my father’s family.
It seemed I’d slipped through some kind of cosmic crack, but thanks to our ability to research and connect, I’d gone from literally no extended family to a rather rock-solid clan.
For those who have been with me through my blogsphere, you’ve gotten to witness some rather amazing meetings and reunions
It amazes me that I have either side of my family, and now I have both….
Today I found a blog comment (and then an e-mail) from my cousin (on my Father’s side) who ran across this blog while doing some family research!

On a lighter note

We partied like rock stars at the pumpkin patch…
If you want to see proof, you can check out #1’s Flickr or my Flickr

It’s a BOY!

I went with the kids to their ultrasound today…
It’s a boy, and he’s an in-utero thumb sucker!
(They’re so cute when they do that)

On to her next adventure…

Mom passed away last night in her home, with those closest to her there.
She did this the way she wanted to, and how often do people get to do that, really.
I’ve had many mixed feelings regarding her over the years, as I’m sure many people do in regard to parents, but right now I’m feeling a lot of admiration for her.
Taking on this difficult ending, and handling it with bravery and yes, grace.

Safe travels Mom… until you reach your destination. You’ve learned many lessons in this life and have been blessed with much love. Soon you will be off to your next adventure, and I’m certain our paths will once again cross, whether it is here or there.
Now that the burdens of this life have been lifted, I know in my heart that you can clearly see just how much you were loved.

Good reading, Good lesson

From my wise aunt… the best thing I’ve read in a long time.
The best lessons often come as reminders during difficult times. By design, we tend to learn best through our own experiences and tend not to learn well by watching others.
But I don’t want to have to learn every damn lesson the hard way, I would like to think we can incorporate the lessons and wisdom of others if we apply ourselves.
Anyway, check out my Aunt’s blog entry… there’s an amazing lesson there.

Downloads and inner thoughts…

I made it home from Missouri.  As expected there were some sad things, but there were lots of good things too.  It was great to see my Aunties, Uncle and Cousin.  Mom seems to be handling her situation much better than I’d expected.  The Brother and Sister time was awesome… I feel like the three of us have settled into our “childhood roles” which is comforting in a weird way.

Last night I downloaded a couple of movies on i-tunes to watch on the plane, a couple that I’d wanted to see but hadn’t gotten around to yet.  I pulled the first one up and about 3/4 of the way through it I had to wonder what the hell I was thinking with my movie choice.  I’d downloaded “The Bucket List”.
(The Bucket list is a 2007 American film from Warner Bros. Pictures written by Justin Zackham, directed by Rob Reiner and starring Jack Nicholson, Morgan Freeman, Sean Hayes, Beverly Todd, and Rob Morrow. The story follows two terminally ill men (Nicholson and Freeman) on a road trip with a wish list of things to do before they die.)

I’m thinking a shrink would have a hey-day with my subconscious movie choice.

After the movie I was left with a few observations regarding my Mom:
She may not have always played by the rules, but at least she was an active player.
She’s had more life-experiences than most people ever will.
She made her life on her terms.
Sometimes she made the best of bad situations, and sometimes she made the worst of good ones… and that’s OK.
She always kept moving forward.
She lived a life that made some kind of sense for her (her bucket list) and it really doesn’t matter if some people don’t understand that, if one cannot live their lives for themselves, then what’s the point??

OK… enough thinking for one night, I’m tired and going to bed.