Just being nosy…
More and more, people are hooking up on the internet.
There are a lot of ways they seem to be doing it. Blogs or other social networks, dating services and even gaming chats.
Recently I met a woman in the shop who “met” a man in playing mafia wars, both were married and live on opposite coasts. Their gaming characters where close and eventually they began to chat. Long story short, they’ve left their respective current spouses and she will soon move across the country to be with him. They were not looking for each other, but there they are.
More than a few of the people I know have met their spouses or significant others on line. Some were coincidences, others were actively looking for someone.
I have to wonder…
Are we meeting more people on line than in our person-to-person interactions?
Are we more honest or real when we are anonymous?
Do we trust easier because we are basically meeting people in our own homes?
Early on, like many people… I thought of meeting love interests on line as being for the desperate, the very shy, the very adventuresome, the very busy or for wolves looking for potential prey.
Now I’m not so sure.
When I see the numbers of connections people make on line… when I think of how close I feel to many of my blog-friends… I have to wonder why internet connections seem so strong for many of us… in certain instances that strength even blooms into love.
It would make an interesting study as to the psychology of why and how these strong connections form.
It will be interesting to see if those connections stand the test of time any better than meeting ‘the old fashioned way’ does.
It would make an interesting study in communication itself. How real life interactions differ from virtual communications and their current value in today’s society.
I know for me personally… I feel much closer to many of you than I do with friends I see on a regular basis. My computer has become my primary communication tool. I am much more likely to communicate with you on blog, myspace, facebook, flickr, twitter or e-mail than I am to just hang out with you… even if I know you in real life.
What are your thoughts?
Blog Project 365-09 #181
(One day… I’m going to have to get out a calender and see if I’m still “on” my count) 
June 28, 2009 at 9:48 pm
Hi Emily,
You ask some intriguing questions. First, I think you’re actually ahead on your count. Not exactly sure about that though but I’m behind you and I think I’m up to date. Way to go!
I too, have thought about online dating in much the same way you have and have absolutely refused to do it until…. Right before Christmas a small group I attend in Portland was talking about dating, mainly concerning me as I am by far the youngest of the group and the only single. They encouraged me to try match.com and I came home and talked about it with my roommate. She actually signed up and is still going out with the guy she met on there, ironically, I knew the guy from college. That made me think. Then, at our last small group meeting, they gave me the homework assignment of signing up and winking at one person. I admittedly have not followed through on it yet but plan to before we meet in two more weeks. It can be hard to meet other single people I would be “compatible” with, I know that. But it feels so much like a meat market. I have always wanted to just let it happen if it was meant to happen, not to go out and look for it as my goal. I understand too, that you can say whatever you want online. You can do it in real life as well, but it’s easier to keep up a mask over the internet.
I think some people are honest. You certainly have been on your blog and I have really appreciated that. You are more honest on yours than I will ever be on mine. I am more frank and unedited in conversation with someone I trust, not out on the internet when anyone I know can read it. There are parts I am very honest with but others I leave for poetry, my soul place where I can be raw, honest, and utterly real. I’ll even publish most of that and sell it. But on the web, I am more careful what I write.
I hope we remain a culture where most of our interactions are face to face. We need that. We are human, we need touch and hugs. We need to see someone’s face. Most of actual communication is non-verbal and no matter how many smiley faces we put in e-mails and blogs, it will never compare to the delight of looking at an actual face smiling. Relationships can start on the internet, and some will always stay there, but it’s important, particularly romantically, to meet and see how it works face to face. You just can’t replace having a friend there for you when you need them beside you.
I have a facebook account too and am very glad I do. It’s a great way to keep in touch with people whom I make the effort to see face to face, with those who live far away and I can’t see them, or those who are close by but I don’t have the desire to make the effort to call or see them but like to know how they’re doing. Just about all of my friends though, I know or have met in real life. I prefer it that way.
And by the way, as much as I love reading your blog everyday, I much prefer getting to hang out with you. It is so much richer. I hope your day was fun!
Sarah
June 29, 2009 at 12:55 am
To shorten my answer, let me just say… I love you!
. We don’t wait to happen across our keys (if we don’t accidently find them, were we not meant to drive?).
As for the dating part… I think there are some up and down sides to any type of new dating situation. IRL it’s going to take a pretty fast guy just to catch you, let alone for him to be able to keep up. So there must be others out there somewhere who are also like that… what are the chances of your busy paths actually crossing IRL?
And why not seek it? We seek food, shelter, entertainment. Seeking is almost a requirement for finding… anything. My car keys are a prime example
I’m going to jump on board and challenge you to wink. Just so you know you can.
If you find an honest person on-line, one distinct advantage is not having the distractions of the physical. In cyber, it’s easy to talk and it’s easy to listen… without worrying about water-weight or snap judgements about the goofy shirt he’s wearing.
You can talk at 8:00 am and perhaps no one has to worry about listening until night.
Maybe in a society build on convenience, it’s another easy tool to put into our tool box. The ‘McDonalds’ of human interaction.
I find the human part of this all very fascinating… thanks for writing your thoughts