I’ve been a wreck

I’ve been a wreck the last few (several) weeks now and can’t put my finger on it…. so much for self-actualization.
I’m not sure what the deal is. I’m sensitive to feeling stressed, even when things aren’t *that* stressful. A little depressed for no good reason and I have this feeling of being, well… detached.
Maybe it’s the beginning of menopause, who knows. I’m just riding it out for now.
I’ve been horribly unmotivated to do anything, including blogging (reading or writing) which is why this has been neglected for so long.
My apologies for not being a good blog friend.
I’ve had lots of good things too, I’ve met both of my uncles now, whom are VERY wonderful. Work is going well and the new piercer has risen to the ranks such that I’m able to take a day or two off from time to time.
Still, apathetic.
I don’t feel terribly bad, I’m not sick or anything… I just don’t feel like “me”.

Overwhelmed

A quick bit of history…
Through my early childhood I was raised by a single parent father (long before that became cool). Due to a very rough set of circumstances (in my archives if you’re new and interested), I was moved into foster care at the age of 10 and because of frequent moves lost contact with much of my Father’s family. When I was 15, my Mother and I were reunited and I left foster care to live with her. That was followed by another series of moves. 5 years after that my father passed away.
Recently, I received calls from two of my Father’s brothers. One I don’t remember much of at all (Jim) and the other I vaguely have a couple of memories of (Cliff).
We’ve talked on the phone a few times and Jim has been a wealth of family history and photographs.
He and his wife came for a brief visit yesterday and it was really wonderful to be able to visit with them in person. He is now 87 years old, and full of memories and spunk.
Cliff is coming later in the month as well.
Above is a photo he brought of my Dad and I.
I cannot even begin to find words for the memories (some bitter, some sweet) that these old photos bring. A realization of the distance I’ve traveled, A feeling of having roots, a reminder of ghosts long since put to rest… but most of all they remind me of the many blessings I’ve had and the many miracles I’ve had the joy of experiencing via getting to know all of these wonderful people I get to claim as being mine.
It still trips me out quite a lot that beyond all odds, I’ve gotten to find a Mother, Sister, Brother, and a series of Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, some I’ve had now for years and some still quite new.
For someone who felt completely alone until I made my own family… I come from a very large and loving clan… Still trips me out sometimes. Still makes me feel like the most blessed person alive.

Decay…

I am TERRIFIED of dentists, therefore I’ve yet to suck it up and go when I should.
My tooth broke, a tooth that was more filling than tooth… way in the back. So I made an appointment. Today was the day.
I’d convinced myself that the tooth would likely need to be pulled and was quite scared to go in.
So much so that I had an upset stomach last night and diarrhea all morning. (I know you wanted to hear all about that).
About an hour before the appointment, I was having a hard time catching my breath (really) so I took an Ativan just to get me through the appointment.
After I’d driven half way through town, I realized the Ativan probably wasn’t such a good idea. I found I had to concentrate *really* hard on stop lights and brake lights to decipher their meaning prior to running into anything.
After all of that… I only needed one shot of Novocaine, and a filling.
I’m such a dork.

But I did make an appointment to get regular dental stuff done… the dentist should have a new pool by the time we are done…

Kids…

They grow up, and get grown up problems…

Kid A moves home to get on her feet. Kid B moves home after a break up to get on her feet too.
Kid B dives head long into everything, it’s part of who she is… she has recently made a decision that some would have a moral problem with and now Kid A is out for Kid B. A wants B ‘out of her home’ (not her words… mine). They also work together.
I doubt A will ever forgive B for making the decisions she has made. I’m not quite sure why A is so angry as it isn’t her life, but she is and I get to live with both… neither has the money to move out.

It’s clear to see that A has hurt feelings and is somewhat concerned, which in turn concerns me. B is having a rough time because of A and because of others.

I can see each kids perspective and I refuse to make a moral judgement on B primarily because this is her life and she is entitled to make her own choices…

How do I support both?
Rhetorical question.

Delete

I love that blogs have delete buttons…
I can vent, revisit and delete if needed.
I ponder if life should have a delete button sometimes. Glad as I am that I have a delete button here, I am ever so glad that life does not have a “delete” feature.

Back in Miami again…

This was our house for the week:

Today will largely be spent in airports or planes… Home late tonight and then back to work.
I can’t begin to tell you how wonderful it was to take a week off and just get away.

It’s going to be a busy week when we get back. Tuesday I see the accountant (Apr 15th of course), Thursday my sister is coming for a quick visit. I’ve got a few follow up things to do from my last physical.

Leaving Miami…

Chicago to Florida

It just wouldn’t be a vacation unless:

* The flight was moved to different gate, the gate clear across the entire airport. Of course we missed the announcement and first tried to board the wrong plane, logically, we nearly missed our flight as we don’t run as fast as we used to.

*The flight was completely booked and I had a center seat near the rear of the plane. I set between husb and a very large man who smelled of a heavy load of cheap cologne and salami. The kid in the seat a head of me reclined his seat just after I got my computer out (a distraction to keep me sane as I’m a horrible flyer), the kid (young teen) proceeded to confuse the plane seat with a rocking chair for the remainder of the flight. Away went the computer as I couldn’t even open the top, out came the ativan.

*We left at 6:00 in the morning and finally arrived at our hotel around 11:30pm. On our west coast stomachs, that’s dinner time. After settling in we took off on foot as there are a few fast food restaurants very near by. All of which closed at 11:00, except the drive thru. Oddly enough, they will not let you walk thru a drive thru, regardless of how good your story is. The hotel offered to have their shuttle driver take us to a near by restaurant. After getting into the van, we bribed him into just taking us to McDonalds instead. He thinks we’re crazy. I think we spent more on the tip than the meal just to make it up to him.

This is just the lead in… the *real* vacation begins tomorrow!

Here I sit

We’re in the Chicago Airport for a 3+ hour layover, not long enough to leave, but a long time to hang out!

While sitting here I did get a few things done… I’ve checked in with work (the building is still standing), going to call the kids later tonight. I called my cell phone company to find out about re-programming my phone for a better roaming rate (yay!) and to see if my network card would work out of the country (boo). It looks like I’ll be using the ships satellite for the necessities and loading photos when I get back!

I’m sooooo looking forward to bonding with my camera, and my husband (yep, that order ) and spending a whole lot of time *not* working!

I’m leaving on a jet plane…

Quick… who sang it??

So tonight I’m packing, tomorrow after work we’re going to Portland. Saturday we fly to Florida and Sunday we catch a ship!
I am so ready for this vacation. The last one sucked… not the vacation but the timing was bad and it was difficult to enjoy.

I’m bringing the computer (or else I’d die) and will make posts and catch up with you when I can. I haven’t picked up my camera in what feels like months, so I’m looking forward to spending some time behind a lens as well.
I bought a low cut swim suit to show off the new floatation devices. Safety first, even while on vacation!